Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Glee's Blame it on the Alcohol Episode: Best One-Liners

This episode was certainly controversial, slightly uncomfortable to watch, but very funny.  Here are my favorite one-liners from the episode:

One liners
Sources say that this joke has been done before elsewhere, and it will probably be done elsewhere because it’s just that obvious.  But it doesn’t make it any less funny.  And Figgins is such a great character to deliver it because he’s so out of touch.  “Just listen to any song by Kee-Dollar Sign Ha!”  Will:  “Uh, do you mean Ke$ha?”   

Preemptively check into rehab
I love when Sue goes on one of her tirades.  The more misguided, the funnier.  “Will. I suggest you preemptively check into rehab.  As you area  future alcoholic.  I mean, come on.  Look where you are.  You’re coaching a Glee club that can only beat choirs of old people.  You’re rehashing the detail of your failed marriage with the very lemur who rejected the bestial horror of your craven sexual advances.  And when my Glee club crushes you at regionals, well the last ounce of meaning will drain from your life and you will turn to drink.”  Will (and Emma) just doesn’t even know how to respond to this.  But the strangest thing is when he actually DOES turn to drink at the advice of Beiste.  He can’t say Sue didn’t warn him.  And boy does she punish him later for not heeding her words.     

I’m okay, don’t worry.
This bit was definitely a nod to Monty Python’s black knight scene.  Sue goes to visit Westvale High to “volunteer her help” with their show choir since she loved her time in New Directions so much, and tells Will, “Unfortunately the chipper homosexual who coaches Aural Intensity had a terrible fall down the stairs.”  This was because after she pushed him down them, instead of staying down and awaiting medical attention, he got back up and said, “I’m okay, don’t worry!”  So she ran down and pushed him down the next flight.   

Rachel:  “They left me alone because I’m responsible.”  Puck:  “They left you alone because you suck and you’re a total bore.”
Tsk, Puckerman, Puckerman, Puckerman.  Moments prior to this Rachel was his “Jewish American princess,” but the moment she put the Kabash on the free booze he turned on her.  He really is a bad boy.

“Hold on, is this song about your headband? …it’s really…interesting but it’s not emotional, or, like, good.”
Good old Finn.  Just like Burt, he doesn’t really have a way worth words.  But at least he’s honest.  (Other than where Sam’s concerned, but otherwise a real standup guy.)

“It’s Santitney and Artcedes”   
I LOVE these split screen phone scenes.  They were all discussing Rachel’s party, and threw the fans a bone with this line.  The couple nicknames are rampant on Glee forums: Finnchel, Puckleberry, Fuinn, and so on.  Just as the writers did with naming and episode “Furt,” this one was just for us. 

Conflicted men
Kurt is trying to explain to Rachel that as a lover of musical theater, having a gay best friend can be very rewarding, but that doesn’t make him boyfriend material.  “I’m doing you a favor by telling you that Blaine is the first of a long line of… ‘conflicted’ men that you will date that will later turn out to be only the most flaming of homosexuals.” 

Don’t ask, don’t tell
“I sat through that whole Brokeback Mountain thing.  From what I gather, something went down in the tent.”  I know it’s the Midwest, but really Burt?  Really? 

“I wish you all a happy and healthy alcohol awareness week.  Unfortunately, Kitty Dukakis couldn’t be here, due to disinterest.”
Figgins was in rare form tonight!  More observational humor that just goes to show how out of touch he is. 

“Guys, I’m really nervous.  Ke$ha’s been a culture icon for weeks, and I really want to do her music justice.”
I’m a little surprised they made a dig at Ke$ha…actually two digs if you count Figgins’ butchering her name, on a night when they featured two of her songs!  The amazing thing was the fact that most Glee fans agree that Brittany did Ke$ha songs better than Ke$ha.  At the very least the dancing was far superior. 

The alcohol teen vomit fetishist
If there’s one thing funnier than Sue’s one liners, it’s her monologues, and she had more than one great one tonight:  “We all still quake in terror at what we witnessed yesterday at the assembly.  Via Glee club, spiraling out of control.  My nose is still filled with the acrid stench of teen vomit.  And there is simply but one person to blame.  The alcohol-teen-vomit-fetishist, Will Shuester.”  I forget just why she hates him with SUCH a passion, but wow.  Just wow. 

Quinn:  “That’s a fair amount of the pot calling the kettle black right now.”  Brittany:  “That is so racist.”
Mercedes is too dumbfounded to speak when Brittany whispers that admonishment in her ear.  Quinn was trying to make the point that Schue had just gotten drunk so it’s hypocritical for him to tell them not to (nevermind that he’s of legal drinking age and they are not, but whatever). 

“I’m going to get a new boyfriend out of this who can keep up with me vocally and in the future give me vaguely Eurasion looking children.”
Say what you will about Rachel Berry, but she is a planner.  She knows what she wants and she goes for it.  She knows that if you shoot for the moon and miss, she’ll end up among the stars.  So even though her pursuit of the gay Warbler didn’t pan out, despite how great it would have been for her, at least she gets a song out of it.

What were your favorite one liners from Glee's Blame it on the Alcohol Episode?

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